The power of the word no. By sara Rose
As usual, please do remember that this is my own personal opinions.
The word “no” can be extremely powerful, but also empowering. This single, yet simple word can force us to feel an array of emotions, both being told no, and saying no to others. These emotions towards the word “no” begin when we are small children, associating it to not being able to have something we want. As we grow into adults, this mentality sticks, and we believe “no” is a negative word or response from others who say it to us. Sometimes we can even feel offended, as if others should not be able to tell us no. However, in reality, the ability to say no to others when it is appropriate or we feel uncomfortable with a situation, is a sign of knowing your own self worth. Not liking being told no is one internal issue, but there is also not being able to say no to others. Both stem from past traumas and childhood conditioning. Those who have a difficult time saying no to others usually have “people pleasing” needs. They don’t like to say no, because they don’t want to upset anyone, or be the cause of conflict, which can sometimes arise from the opposite party due to lack of acceptance of the word itself. Then there are some who cannot handle being told no. To certain people, this can be very upsetting, or invite a strong sense of anger to emerge. This issue can develop as children from the parents having the opposite issue, not being able to say no. There are, of course, many reasons or possibilities of why the parents could not say no. Ranging from not wanting to listen to the child cry from not getting something they want, to feeling a sense of guilt if they don’t give in to the child’s demands. When a child has what we call a temper tantrum, this can sometimes be overwhelming to parents, especially in a public setting, and they will end up giving the child what they want in order to save the embarrassment. Whatever the reason might be, that child will grow up believing that what they desire belongs to them, even when they’re told no. A sort of privilege to the item will develop, when in truth, nothing actually belongs to any of us. After years of subconscious beliefs and conditioning, we can become obsessive and over protective of items, places, and even people. For example, a few small children are playing with some toys they’re meant to share, and one tries to take a toy from another child. The child who was initially using that toy might suddenly become quite obsessive with it, not wanting to hand the toy over because he has developed an attachment to the toy. This behavior should be addressed properly, from both sides of the example. If not, both children are being introduced to attachment and possession. Normally these social issues can be worked out by the adults explaining the situation to the children, especially once the children are of school age. However, we can see signs of attachment and possession in many adults as well as children.
As adults, these issues can be corrected, but only if one can acknowledge the issue at hand. If you cannot see what you’re doing when it comes to that word “no” then the issue cannot be so easily fixed. Being aware of what we say, think, and act towards others is the first step to acknowledging any kind of internal or mental issue with the self. For example, someone might ask a friend to join them on an outing, but the friend declines the invite. The person offering the invite becomes angry and offended by hearing the word no, but they need to ask themselves why? Why does the decline upset me? The friend has free will and a right to say no, so why is this so upsetting? Finding out the root of the issue and where the negative feeling towards the decline is how that person can work through the issue of disliking the word no. Now, let’s look at the situation on the flip side. A friend asks someone to join them, but they don’t really want to go out, maybe they’re cozy at home that night. But, they say yes anyway, because they don’t like letting others down. They are in a constant need to please others, even if it means they will be unhappy in the situation. This behavior could be a lack of self worth, and the inability to create boundaries with others. The need to please others can stem from a fear of angering or upsetting the person if they don’t comply with what is being asked. Normally developing in childhood or past trauma, this behavior could be a reflection of a strict, or mentally abusive up bringing, conditioning the child out of fear of disappointing the parents. Carrying on into adulthood, this would cause a need to please or make others happy out of fear of a negative reaction if they were to use the word no. Most everyone has outdated and past conditioning that will shape who you are, and how others see you in your adult years. This conditioning will consist of positive and negative polarities, the dark and the light, the ying and the yang. All of which can be balanced out into a harmonious flow of energy, but as I said, you must recognize these negative conditions first. Most people don’t want to see their faults or dark side, so they will deny having past issues at all. However, if you can rise above the ego mind, and view the issue from a new perspective, you can then begin to reflect and work through this, eventually letting go of old patterns that are no longer beneficial to your ascension and growth. Of course, there are other culprits to these conditions that give us a negative sense of the word “no” besides childhood patterns. These can develop from trauma, toxic relationships with others or with yourself, energy imbalances from the chakra centers, or even an imbalance with one’s ego thinking mind, and the higher mind (or the soul) For instance, when it comes to toxic relationships, friends or romantic, the way we are treated in the relationship can be a reflection of how we see ourselves. So, if you have a friend or partner who is constantly putting you down, then you could begin to think or believe the put downs to be true. This could lead to the people pleasing issues, not wanting the other person to react to you in a negative way, causing a sense of fear to develop. An imbalance of energy points can cause blockages in the chakras, causing a dramatic decrease in self esteem, or self worth. The solar plexus (third chakra) is in the stomach area and is the seat of our self confidence and how we present ourselves in the world and to others. If this is blocked or slow moving, it could cause many issues around the word “no”, and fear for what others think or say about us.
When we are able to correct these issues, no matter where they had developed from, we can then present ourselves in the world as strong, confident individuals who know our worth. If you’re able to say no to someone, even if it’s going to upset them, then we are now taking back our personal power. This is extremely important for human and soul growth, and even learning who you truly are on the inside. When the mind, body and soul are balanced, then we can maintain balance in the outer world as well. Saying no to something you don’t want to do is showing self love, self respect, and if the other person is upset by this, then it is an internal issue with them, not you. If you have a difficult time saying no, then there are issues within both parties. In any type of relationship, there needs to be a steady balance of give and take. If you are constantly giving, the other person will eventually pick up on this whether that be consciously, or subconsciously. Then a pattern will begin of a one-sided give and take. Meaning, you will always say yes to please the friend, and the friend will always be asking things of you without giving in return. Whether it is a romantic relationship, friendship, co-worker, family member or classmate. There must always be healthy boundaries put in place, so each party understands where the other person stands, that way both remain balanced and keep their important sense of self worth. If any of these people from any of these relationships has an issue with the boundaries that you set, then perhaps they are not vibing well in your reality and it’s time to walk away until they can see your side of the situation or respect that your boundaries are an important part of your mental, and emotional health and wellbeing. If a person cannot handle being told no, then they need to go within and find out why this is. This could be an imbalance of the heart chakra, causing the person to have an extreme lack of respect for their fellow man and a constant need to take energy from others. Again, any of these issues can be resolved by realizing, reflecting, and releasing the past or outdated conditioning or developed pattern, allowing you to set the necessary boundaries with others. The next time someone asks something of you, and you don’t want to do it, I want you to take a deep breath, then say NO! You will be surprised how the power of “no” can make you feel. Many of these deep seated subconscious issues can be brought to the light with meditation. Once you know where the issue is coming from, then you can begin to correct it and eventually release it. It can be difficult to change our own thinking patterns, but once you do, then you can begin to have a whole new perspective on the reality around you, and the other people in it. This word “NO”, like all words holds a great power in it, you just need to figure out how to use it properly.
I hope this article could be of some use, or at least was an interesting read. Until next week, stay safe, stay true, and don’t forget to smile 😊
Balance
Comments